I am sitting here in my comfortable warm living room feeding my healthy baby. We are safe we have plenty to eat, we are blessed beyond measure. I am trying to wrap my mind around the devastation the people in Haiti are experiencing. I am thinking about mothers just like me who love their babies more than life who are facing things unimaginable, I am thinking about the mothers who have lost their children, children who have lost their parents and my heart is breaking. My sadness and grief for the people of Haiti can finally flow freely out of me- it was very hard to hold it in at work today. I also feel so guilty, why I am I so blessed when I don't deserve it? Haiti has a special place in our hearts, Daniel has been there several times. The last time he did some mission work at an orphanage. Of course the children melted his heart and he wanted to bring them all home especially one little girl Ginnette. Now I am tormented thinking that while I sit here in luxury, those children could be hurt or worse. They have already been through so much in their young lives, it is so hard for me to understand. I am thinking about and praying for Pastor Nay Nay and his beautiful family- I hope that their tiny block home was spared and that they are all safe. I am looking at Clementine and I don't know why God chose us to live here in our comfortable safe lives while others have to live in such peril. I am so thankful and undeserving. Orphans have always had a special place in my heart but after having Clementine I cannot imagine her having to live her life without her daddy and me. Please pray for those precious children, many of whom came to the orphanage after loosing their families to hurricanes a few years back. They are facing mountains unimaginable. Pray that Gods hand is there to comfort them- pray as if it was your own child.

Laaazzzyyyy Sunday Morn

We three Byrds are being very lazy this Sunday morning. The Pea is napping on a pillow beside me while dad and I are cozy under the covers- we are all loving the snow! Church was called off this morning due to the weather so we are just enjoying a semi-quiet morning.

Ok so right after I typed that the Pea woke up and was not happy she had been tricked into a nap! It is Monday morning now and the Pea and I are enjoying a cozy morning in the bedroom- it is much too cold to stay in the living room right now. The Pea is passed out beside me (hopefully) enjoying her early morning nap. I am enjoying looking at her precious face!

We made it through our first official week of going back to work. As I suspected, the Pea fared much better than I- I was exhausted and missed her like crazy. The Pea was just tired from all of the playing she had been doing at Darlene's and Grammies. I felt so lost while at work without the Pea- I didn't know what to do with myself!

On Saturday, Daniel and I did a little shopping for the Pea. She has grown so fast in the last few weeks that all of her pj's were too small as well as several pairs of her play pants. I am happy to report the Pea's wardrobe has been restocked with several snazzy pairs of pj's and a whole bunch of adorable outfits- all of which are size 6 to 9 months! The Pea is only 3 months old! As soon as we have another fashion show I will post pictures of her new outfits.

As well as trying to adjust going back to work I am also struggling with when is the right time to move the Pea from my bed to her baby bed. She currently has a little place right between her daddy and I, which is wonderful especially for those 4 am feedings but I know she will eventually have to move to her big girl bed in her room. I can't seem to put her in there just yet. I was going to start trying before I started back to work but the weather turned cold and I just couldn't stand the thought of the possibility of her being cold! I would like some suggestions from other mommas out there on when the best time for the big bed is. If it doesn't work out I guess the Pea will be sleeping with us until she goes off to college!

Going back to work & New Year reflections

Just a warning this is a serious post. My maternity leave will be officially ending on Jan. 6th and I am so nervous about going back to work. I know I have mentioned before about how my point of view has changed since having the Pea but I just can't believe how drastic the change has been. Before I always thought of myself as a sort of a feminist, I have always worked very hard at being independent and doing it all on my own. I have always been a worker and really had never envisioned myself doing much else until now. Since going on my maternity leave in September I have enjoyed playing the role of stay at home momma so much more than I ever thought I would. There is something so nice, cozy and comforting about being at home with your baby, taking care of your house and having a nice dinner ready (on some days) when daddy gets home. I never thought in a million years that type of life would ever agree with me but as I have found out in the past year, life is SO full of surprises. Staying at home work is so much more enjoyable, maybe I am just not working the right kind of job but to be able to watch the Pea grow and change everyday is such a blessing and a miracle- she really is everything. I know so many of my friends have gone through this and they all know about the grief, the guilt and the flat out panic you feel when it is time to go back to work. I am certainly surprised at my change of heart, not that I am throwing away my "this is what a feminist looks like" t-shirt just yet but things are different. I feel more vulnerable than I ever have before but it almost makes me feel stronger. I am so thankful that I have been able to stay at home with the Pea for as long as I did because I am pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to leave her at six weeks. God knows what we can handle and what we can't and I thank him every day for that. So next Wednesday the Pea and I will be entering into a new adventure, one in which I am sure the Pea will fair much better than her momma. It is times like these when I really begin to understand that motherhood is not for the faint of heart and I have even more respect for mothers every where.

Here is a little something I wrote last year in Jan., I had just lost a baby in early December and didn't know that the Pea was already on board! God is so good to me, I was devastated when I lost the baby- I felt like I was too scared to try for another but he comforted me. Thankfully God had better plans for me than I ever could have imagined, he carried me through my despair and on the other side was such joy!

Written Jan. 2009

Today I am feeling very reflective, well not particularly reflective in a shiny sense but inwardly reflective. The past year has been one of flat out living. At times barely hanging on, clinging to my faith, and other times flying so high- so surprised and thankful. Many things have transpired this year that I do not understand. Things that I won't understand until I can give Jesus a big hug, sit down and ask him myself. Maybe at that point in time such things will no longer be an issue..... As for the upcoming year, I have great hope. Things are changing fast-for better and for worse but I choose to remain hopeful. This year I want to take more time to understand the daily struggles and victories of those around me. I pray to be a bright spot for people in my life, to lift them up, to help them feel loved and as hopeful as I do. I pray that this will finally be the year I get to meet my child, whoever that may be and however way God has planned. I pray that everyone sees how truly blessed we all are and find ways we can help others. I pray that this is the year all of "Amber" goes away and I become a vessel and an instrument for God. I pray that everyone becomes less cautious of following their hearts, less cautious in expressing love and less cautious in following God. I am hopeful for the upcoming year- I hope and pray that the year is filled with love, joy and peace.

Although I haven't managed to live up to all of my expectations, I am so thankful and hope to continue to draw closer to God in order to be the person he wants me to be. Last night Daniel and I were talking about how exciting this upcoming year is going to be, so many firsts to share with the Pea! Happy New Year, and as always I hope and pray that this year will be filled with love, joy and peace.

Merry Christmas Catch Up

The Pea's first Christmas was a smashing sucess! The Pea had her stage debut playing baby Jesus in the church's Christmas program- she was doing her "exercises" so vigorously in the manger I thought she might turn it over! She partied for three days straight- we kicked off the festivities Wednesday night with candy making at Great Aunt Lanie's house, followed by Christmas Eve at Great Grandma Marlow's and Grammy & Papaw's then for Christmas day lunch at Mimi and Grandpa Byrd's. Lot's of fun was had by all, the Pea especially enjoyed sharing her first Christmas with cousin Troxell aka "Wookie".

The Pea has also had several firsts, she laughed out loud the Tuesday before Christmas and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. She has also started really playing with her little toys which is so adorable. Her friend (and mine) Joni got her a little blue elephant which absolutely adores. I like him too, he smells like vanilla!

Again, I am in awe of God's blessings and love he continuously pours out on myself and my family. When I think about how hard Christmas was last year and how joyful this year was, all I can do is thank HIM!

What a week!!!!

It's Sunday night and all is right with the world. Daddy is giving the Pea a bath and momma is enjoying some pretzels and the glow of the Christmas lights- aaaahhhhh. This has been a big week to say the very least! The Pea turned 2 months old, got a great report from the pediatrician and we both survived her first round of shots. We were horrified by the needles but once the Pea, myself and Grammy fled the office we felt a whole lot better. So much better I bought the Pea a pair of light pink faux fur uggs- nothing like a little retail therapy. The Pea is in the 75th percentile in weight and head circumfrence and 50th percentile in height, her feet however are in the 10th percentile having not grown much since birth so the uggs are a bit loose ;)

Little did we know Aunt Holly had much more exciting events planned for us later on in the week! On Friday night the Pea welcomed her first little cousin into this big 'ol world! Little Troxell Owen Harbin arrived (in a BIG hurry) around 11:30 p.m., the Pea was so excited she couldn't hardly sleep at all. The not sleeping part wasn't really that big of a stretch, as many of you know the Pea needs a total of 20 mins of sleep every 24 hours. We are hoping cousin Troxell does not have the same non sleeping gene! He is beautiful with luxurious thick black hair and the cutest little cheeks ever. The Pea and Troxell met for the first time today- I am pretty sure they are gonna be great buddies. Grammy got some pictures of their first meeting- I will post those as soon as I get a copy. Just prepare yourselves for the extreme cuteness.

So that's a short wrap up of the week in the life of the Pea- now she is bathed with fuzzy hair waiting on momma to feed her.

Catch up

A conversation between Grammy Troxell and the Pea on a recent trip to Target:

The Pea: "gurgle, gurgle, squeal"

Grammy T: " Whats that Clemmy?"

The Pea: "blup, slurp, squeal"

Grammy T: " You want a pony for Christmas?"

The Pea: " ssssssqqqqquuuueeeaaallll"

Grammy T: "I'll let Papaw know that he needs to be looking"

We are in BIG trouble folks.....

We had a great Thanksgiving and hope that everyone else did too! Clementine has made herself right at home with our families and of course everyone is totally in love with her. I have been thinking about how my perspective on so many things has changed since having The Pea. First of all I am beyond thankful for my family- without their love and support I don't know where I would be. I am so thankful that Clementine has been born into a family that has so much love. She is laying beside me on the couch sleeping away and I can't believe that she is mine! My experience so far with motherhood has been so wonderful and I am again so thankful for God sending me this perfect little, wiggly, pudgy, pink gift. I think about my life before and it seems like all of it was just a rehearsal of sort leading up to what really matters. It is amazing and wonderful.

The Pea is already such a little force of nature- she never stops moving even in her sleep and she is rarely quiet- even in her sleep. She has such a strong personality- she growls in her sleep! LOL!!!

Finally!

Well, here goes nothing! My little Clementine Rose and I are officially going to enter the great big 'ol blog-o-sphere. As many of you know already I am a first time momma with an adorable little baby girl. I am currently on maternity leave with her and am loving every single minute of it. I hope to use this blog to keep everybody updated on Clementine as well as share my thoughts and feelings about motherhood. When I think about how my life has changed in the last 6 and a half weeks I can hardly believe it. Everyone tells you how different your life will be but like most things in life you don't have a clue until it happens to you. I can hardly remember my life before Clementine, although I do daydream about sleep! So far motherhood has been scary, beautiful, overwhelming, confusing- who knew you could pack so many emtions into such a tiny package? Our little Clementine has managed to pick up many nicknames in her short time with us because she is such a little character already. I named this blog after her first nickname, Pea of Sheba. Her daddy decided that was a wonderful name for her the second day in the hospital. He had her tiny little highness propped up on a pillow, she had such a serious face with a tiny little pink bow glued to her tiny perfectly round pea sized head. She has gone on to earn many more nicknames like the latest- Kickin Piggy, but the Pea of Sheba she will always be to me.