It just keeps getting better!

Well the Pea is officially one! She had an awesome time at her party- lots of friends and family. The Pea partied so hard she had to take a nap before the party was over- her little eyes were closing before we even had all of the family photos taken. As you can tell from the picture she was tuckered out!

The biggest surprise from the day was how the Pea handled her cake- she nibbled on the icing WITH A SPOON! It tickled me so much because I was sure she would dive head first into the cake as soon as she tasted it but she was such a little lady about it. The Wookie was dying to show her what to do!

The Pea continues to crack me up with her little personality. She is so bossy and sassy- I know, I know, funny now not funny later but still. She is in to EVERYTHING and if she can't get to it herself she will point and "tell" you what she would like to get in to next. I feel like I am continuously say "no, no" she even scoots over to things she knows are "no, no" and shakes her head "no, no"..... at least she is paying attention.

Thankfully she had started eating a bit better and has taken quite an interest in table food. I have been steaming up some yummy veggies for her and she eats them up. She has developed a bit of a quirk when eating- she doesn't want you to watch her eat. If you are watching she just sits there and stares out the window. The minute you start to eat yourself of do something else she starts to eat! That could be why she didn't dive head first into the cake- far too big of an audience. For now I just act like I am not looking while she eats and it seems to work. Whatever works! The sleeping is still going wonderfully. She has been getting up at least once per night for the last little bit but I am sure it has to do with the fact that she has three teeth coming in at the same time. She is rockin the naps like nobodies business which is such a wonderful thing! I've said it a thousand times and I will say it a thousand more, there is nothing and I mean nothing better than a sleeping baby!

She is also on the verge of walking- it is so funny to see her trying to balance on those tiny little feet of hers. Speaking of feet, she has allowed me to put shoes on her a few times and doesn't seem to mind them that much at all anymore. This excites me greatly because she has an awesome pair of red Chuck Taylors I can't wait for her to wear.

The Pea also got to go to the Troxell family reunion in Crossville in October. This was a pretty special treat because there aren't a lot of us around AND she got to meet not one or two great-great (yep 2 greats) Aunts and Uncles but 4 great-great Aunts and 2 great-great Uncles! She sure does have a bunch of folks who love her! She had a great time on the car ride down as you can see from the picture- she and her baby had a wonderful nap! She also fell in love with her great uncle Lawrence- he reminded me so much of my Papaw Troxell with her. She snuggled right up and made herself at home.

She just continues to amaze and crack me up everyday. On Monday she came home from a visit to Grammy's house with a hot pink velcro roller in her hair.... momma said she really wanted it and put it in her hair herself! She has also really been working on talking, she told my momma tank you last Saturday and said hello to me earlier in the week. Everyday she is becoming this little person with so much personality- it just makes me so excited about the future!

Anyway, this first year has flown by. There were times when I thought I might not survive it but I made it and so did the Pea. Things really do just keep getting better everyday! I am so thankful that God chose me to be her momma!

Rounding the Bend......

Well here we are coming up on a year! I can't believe it, people told me that it would go by fast but I had no idea. I am happy to report that the Pea is still sleeping wonderfully except for a few nights in the last month. The Byrds have been s-i-c-k for weeks now with some sort of head cold nastiness that won't seem to go away. I guess that is the price you pay when you are exposed to 5th graders as well as daycare germs. The Pea is doing fantastic in her class at daycare, she loves everybody and of course everybody loves her. She has some little friends who are teaching her all kinds of new tricks. I am sure she has taught them a thing or two- I keep expecting calls from other parents any day now.

The Pea is cruising around hanging on to the furniture- she is getting very steady on those tiny feet! She has been into everything for months now, I guess we will just have to remove everything from the house and put down some sort of gymnastic mats to be safe. Shoes have become a major issue for the Pea and I- we aren't too sure about them but a lot of people around us seem to think shoes are essential for walking or cruising. I personally don't care for shoes and I don't really see a huge need for the Pea to wear them. It isn't cold yet and she doesn't walk outside... plus she doesn't really see a big need for them either. What I mean by her not seeing a big need for them is she curls her toes so that it is impossible to get a shoe on her foot and howls like a wild animal. She will let me put a swell pair of Robeez on her- they are really soft like moccasins but she will only wear them for a little bit before she fusses. Here is a quick conversation that came from the back seat last Saturday between the Pea and her Grammy:

The Pea "gggrrrrgrrrr ggggrrrrrrrr eeehhhhh"

Grammy " What Clemmy, what? Here is your book"

The Pea "duck duck duck, ggggrrrrr gggggrrrrrr aaaarrrrrhhhhh"

Grammy " Momma I thing she wants her shoes off"

The Momma "Ok take em off"

She had been wearing the shoes for probably 15 minutes. LOL!

Any advice on the shoe thing would be greatly appreciated. Do they really need them? Not so much? I don't know. I do know that I found an adorable pair of Robeez that look like little pink mice. If shoes are necessary, I will be making a purchase. Or maybe the hot pink cowgirl boots would be more appropriate...... they have soft soles and fringe. If you don't know what Robeez are you have to check out the website asap- I had it saved in my favorites waaaaaayyyy before I was even pregnant. Just in case...

On a more serious note, the Pea who has always had a voracious appetite has decided she doesn't want to eat. She cries and howls and tries to get out of her high chair. At first I thought it was because of the cold, then teething and then because I was trying to get her to try some not so pureed steamed carrots or some potatoes. She still takes her bottles like a champ but other than that she will just eat a few spoonfuls and gets upset. I don't know what to do. She usually loves to eat especially carrots and sweet potatoes but now she almost gags. I am not worried yet but it is a little weird. I am going to talk to her pediatrician about it when we go for the one year check up.

I guess we will continue to barrel into the future at the same alarming rate of the past year. I was laughing thinking about what I was doing this time a year ago. Waiting.....waiting and walking. I walked and I walked and I walked around the little neighborhood we live in. It is mostly retired people so they would walk with me or come out and talk to me as I waddled past. The due date came and went, I walked and continued to get bigger even though I wasn't eating very much because a certain someone had pushed my stomach and lungs up into my throat. I knew things were not going well when my maternity clothes didn't fit anymore and my flip flops were cutting off my circulation. September turned to October and I learned the true meaning of patience.

Kinda Blue

There are a lot of changing going on here in the Byrd household, most have to do with the Pea. Thanks to Ms. Hazel's fervent prayers the Pea, yes the Pea of Sheba has been sleeping. By sleeping I mean ALL night and as an added bonus (blessing) she has been napping! I know, I know it all seems too good to be true and the Pea is a crafty one but I believe this is for real. Tonight she could prove me wrong but I choose to believe that Ms. Hazel prayed for a miracle and it happened and I could not be any more thankful if I tried!

Another change has me feeling quite sad at the moment. Tonight was the first night the Pea has ever gone to sleep without nursing. She didn't even put up much of a fight, a little whimper and then she went to sleep. I knew this day would come and we have been working on it for a while but still. We are now separate......... there may have been some tears shed by both parties involved.

I ran into a friend of mine the other day who is a very new mommy, like 6 weeks in new. When I talk to people about motherhood and the whole all consuming am I gonna live through this first few months I always try to be honest and frank about my feelings and experiences. It is hard, one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life and I am only 9 months in! I hate to think that there are sweet mothers out there thinking they are horrible because they have discovered, much to their dismay, that after all the showers and the glowing pregnancy and the decorating of the nursery there is REAL work to do. By REAL work I mean the serious business of caring for another human being. A life filled with poop, pee, screaming, crying, fit throwing, do we need to go to the emergency room at 2 am because they never get sick during office hours, food spitting, giggling, laughing out loud, first tooth picture takin, I can't believe she is walkin, did she really just sleep through the night, what an awesome funny kid, I still can't believe I have a baby life. The Pea's Papaw Byrd put it best when he said being a parent is the hardest job in the world if you give a crap. It always feels better to know you aren't the only one out there laying in the floor beside the crib peeking in every few minutes or rolling over on the middle of the night to make sure your baby, who up until last week never slept, was still breathing because she had been asleep for more than an hour. Ok I might have even poked her a little too. Or the momma who cries uncontrollably because her baby is playing on the floor and looks at you and claps because she turned a page on her little book. I guess I just wanted to say to all of my little sweet momma friends out there that you are doing a great job and it is very hard contrary to how easy Heidi Klum makes it look. ;)

I also wanted to add the cutest pic of my nephew (I just love typing that) he continues to be the most perfect baby ever and I love his big ol drooly smile so much! Wookie + Auntie Ber = Love

Where does the time go?!

Here we are in the middle of July and I haven't done any of the things I had planned to do this summer. I hope I am not the only one facing this dilemma. Should I keep the list and stress out or throw the list away- there is always next summer..... Clementine on the other hand has done ALL of the things on her to do list. The list reads something like this:

1. Get cuter every day.

2. Get feistier every day.

3. Get more mischievous EVERY day.

4. Grow a set of razor sharp teeth.

5. Skip crawling and proceed to standing and almost walking.

6. Continue to stay awake 22 1/2 hours out of 24 EVERY day.

The Pea has made her list, checked it twice and is moving on! LOL!! She can now say dog, da da, momma, ruff ruff and Don. Quite to vocabulary for someone who doesn't get out much. Her favorite word continues to be da da- which she says all day long. She is a dog lover, much to her da da's dismay- she can't get enough of dogs! Just don't try to fool her with a stuffed dog, this makes her very concerned when the dog doesn't move like her dogs outside.

We went for her 9 month check up this past Tuesday. She is off the charts for weight and head circumference and in the 85% for height- always the over achiever. No shots this time so we were pretty pleased about that! She has also graduated to eating some chopped bananas as well as sweet potato puffs all by herself. She has also skipped the starter sippy cup and prefers to drink her water out of a sippy cup with a straw. I guess when you are the Pea of Sheba you can do as you please in that and most other departments.

There has also been some pretty major developments in "ahem" another department- the Pea is being weaned. She is not happy about it but after many, MANY shall we say "incidences" with her 4 razor sharp teeth I have no choice. This has been a sore subject with the two of us for some time. We spend a lot of time together, it is convenient and free but in an act of self preservation I think weaning is our best bet. We both are feeling a little emotional about this- it is almost like some major part of our relationship is over. Which I guess that it is, it was a hard decision. She just isn't one of those babies who you can flick on the chin and she will stop chomping down. The flicks just seemed to make her bite harder. The only thing that seems to make her let go is my blood curdling scream or if I just faint dead away. Whew. I was afraid that weaning would lead to her not even sleeping the small amount of time she manages but she has been surprising me the last couple of nights by going to sleep on her own- of course still in the bed with me and da da. Usually if I even tried to act like I wasn't going to nurse her to sleep she would howl and scream until she was purple. So, again the Pea has surprised me. I can always count on her to always do the exact opposite of what I expect. So here is to the new chapter for the two of us. I can start to drink sweet tea again and maybe the independence will do us both some good. Or maybe she will change her mind and nurse until she is five......

I am going to attach a few pictures from the last little bit. The photo of the older gentleman is the Pea's great great uncle T who is an awesome and interesting guy that we both love to pieces.

Cha cha changes!!

Well, the Pea and I are finishing up our first official month as stay at home momma and stay at home baby! We have survived relatively unscathed- LOL!! She continues to amaze me every day with her larger than life personality and sense of humor. I know, I know she is only 7 months old but boy is she a character! You can ask her repeatedly if she is a good girl or if she is going to sleep tonight- her response is an alarmingly beautiful smile, eye twinkle, no head shake combo. She knows already just what to do to make you laugh so hard.

She refuses to roll over no matter how much we beg, no matter how many tempting things such as daddy's i phone or the tv remote we put just out of her reach. She has officially rolled over one time on her own and that was just because the Wookie did it and she just wanted to show us she could if she feels like it. She has been spending some time on the Jenny Jump up but in true Pea style she just sort of swings herself with her big toe while she fusses at me to get her outta there. She may never walk or crawl, I am going to have to resort to a small wagon to get her from point a to point b!

I have found that she loves it outside and absolutely loves dogs. As soon as she sees the dogs she starts to "whistle" to get their attention. So sweet and precious is she! LOL!

Ok, ok so the purple part of this post I wrote in May. It is now June .....not sure what day it is but it is def. June. We have packed in some more BIG adventures in the last little bit. We rode up to Rugby for their spring festival and had a blast. The Pea was in her element- lots of people cooing at her and lots of music and action. She is such a ham. The more people fussing over her the better! The Pea had her first trip to the beach. We went to Tybee Island last week and it was heavenly- oh how I love funky little ol Tybee Island. I think it was a hit with the Pea as well, she was perfect on the loooong ride down and perfect on the looonnng ride home. We were probably crazy to make such a trip with a 6 month old (Wookie) and an 8 month old (The Pea) but we pulled it off and it was a perfect vacation. The Pea is a natural born swimmer and loved the ocean- she practically tried to leap out of my arms into the waves. She and the Wookie played in the condo, they played on towels in the sand they played in the big pool, they played in their own private baby pool, they played on the beds- they had a big time to say the least! We are so blessed to have such healthy, precious beautiful babies!

The Pea continues to refuse to roll over, crawl or even get up on her knees-crazy baby. I know that she could if she wanted to. I half expect to find her walking around one day. She continues to amaze me with the things she seems to understand- what a sense of humor that girl has. She knows when to turn on the charm with her little twinkly eyes and big ol dimple.

Unfortunately her sleeping habits haven't improved much and actually the last two weeks or so she has seemed to regress a bit (YIKES). Right now she is asleep in her big bed (fingers crossed). I am not sure why, but I am exhausted but once I manage to wrestle her to sleep for a few hours I can't sleep- weird.

While we were on vacation the Pea turned eight months old, yep eight months already. We celebrated at the Sugar Shack with some ice cream. I might get the worst mother award but I did give her a little taste of my mint chocolate chip- she loved it!

I was reading another blog about motherhood and the lady who writes it is like so dead on. I would love to meet her because she puts into words so many of my own feelings. The only difference? She is a writer who lives in TX and her baby is from Ethiopia and I am just a sleep deprived hillbilly and my baby is from my belly...... This is part of one of her posts- I have to admit I usually cry every time I check in with her.... she hits the nail right on the head every time.

I am tired. I am suddenly aware of my limited reserves of patience and energy and imagination. I like to think of these as muscles that are being worked for the first time by a merciless trainer—who not only yells, but spits and vomits and craps on me. I'm working on my strength and endurance. I am sometimes struck with moments of great loneliness. I think I am lonely for the life I used to have that allowed for some alone time. I am shaky from being hit again and again with overwhelming waves of tenderness and concern for the little person who now sleeps down the hall. I am still mystified by the realization that I have a daughter. I haven't seemed to regain my balance since we've met.
It was two weeks and five days after we returned home when I was struck—again with the force of a rogue wave—with the sudden realization that I loved this little girl.
I'm not yet the mother I'd like to be—but I have to think I'll get there one day.
Posted by Mama Dog at 7:04 AM 18 comments
Thursday, June 18, 2009

Enough of that now for some cute pics from the last little bit.

New post alert!

Soooooo very much has happened since I last blogged about 3 years ago! I have been back to work for several months now and just when I thought things were going back to normal and I would be returning full time- God once again has shown me what happens when I make plans! LOL!!! My babysitter situation fell through so it looks as if I am going to be a stay at home momma for a while! The Pea is terribly excited- I am too! Speaking of the Pea- oh my how she is changing! She turned six months old on the second and is sitting up on her own, laughing all the time and has two razor sharp teeth! I am pretty sure she has spoken her first word and it is "Hi"- she says it all the time- of course with a southern accent so it is more like "Hiiiieeee". She has developed the funniest little personality. She loves to have a good time, rough house and be the life of the party in general. Everyday with her just keeps getting better. I love the little mischevious look she gives me- like she knows so much and can't wait to tell me all about it. Or maybe she is smiling because she knows I am going to pay for my raising....in a big way.

As she grows and I adjust more and more to motherhood I have realized several things:

1. When you are the mother of a shall we say "challenging" baby, you do what is right for you and the baby- not what all of the books say.

2. When your challenging baby chooses to sleep only about 1/4 of the normal time babies are supposed to sleep, you are very tired and learn to sleep with your eyes open at work, church and any other time you can find yourself in the sitting position.

3. Tom Foolery such as blogs, baby books, showers, hair styling, the ironing of clothes, eating and going to the bathroom are not essential as I once thought they were. They are luxeries that can only be partaken of in the dark of night while the baby is sleeping.

4. If the "challenging" baby will sleep more than her usual 45 minute cat nap if placed spead eagle in the middle of her parents bed while momma and papa cling to the edges- so be it.

5. When people say their babies sleep through the night and have slept through the night since birth blah blah blah, etc, etc, I don't think I should a) have to hear that and b) be their friend again until their perfect baby developes a really nasty habit that my dear Pea does not have so I can say "my baby never does that".

Words of wisdom or insanity brought on by sleep deprivation, you can be the judge.

The Pea enjoyed her first Easter so much she is still talking about it! She went to church was a perfect angel, checked out her Easter basket, played with the Wookie and barely fussed at all. A perfect day indeed!

Here are a few photos from Easter.....prepare yourself. Sorry they are all over the place I still don't know how to get my blog pictures to go where I want them.

I am sitting here in my comfortable warm living room feeding my healthy baby. We are safe we have plenty to eat, we are blessed beyond measure. I am trying to wrap my mind around the devastation the people in Haiti are experiencing. I am thinking about mothers just like me who love their babies more than life who are facing things unimaginable, I am thinking about the mothers who have lost their children, children who have lost their parents and my heart is breaking. My sadness and grief for the people of Haiti can finally flow freely out of me- it was very hard to hold it in at work today. I also feel so guilty, why I am I so blessed when I don't deserve it? Haiti has a special place in our hearts, Daniel has been there several times. The last time he did some mission work at an orphanage. Of course the children melted his heart and he wanted to bring them all home especially one little girl Ginnette. Now I am tormented thinking that while I sit here in luxury, those children could be hurt or worse. They have already been through so much in their young lives, it is so hard for me to understand. I am thinking about and praying for Pastor Nay Nay and his beautiful family- I hope that their tiny block home was spared and that they are all safe. I am looking at Clementine and I don't know why God chose us to live here in our comfortable safe lives while others have to live in such peril. I am so thankful and undeserving. Orphans have always had a special place in my heart but after having Clementine I cannot imagine her having to live her life without her daddy and me. Please pray for those precious children, many of whom came to the orphanage after loosing their families to hurricanes a few years back. They are facing mountains unimaginable. Pray that Gods hand is there to comfort them- pray as if it was your own child.

Laaazzzyyyy Sunday Morn

We three Byrds are being very lazy this Sunday morning. The Pea is napping on a pillow beside me while dad and I are cozy under the covers- we are all loving the snow! Church was called off this morning due to the weather so we are just enjoying a semi-quiet morning.

Ok so right after I typed that the Pea woke up and was not happy she had been tricked into a nap! It is Monday morning now and the Pea and I are enjoying a cozy morning in the bedroom- it is much too cold to stay in the living room right now. The Pea is passed out beside me (hopefully) enjoying her early morning nap. I am enjoying looking at her precious face!

We made it through our first official week of going back to work. As I suspected, the Pea fared much better than I- I was exhausted and missed her like crazy. The Pea was just tired from all of the playing she had been doing at Darlene's and Grammies. I felt so lost while at work without the Pea- I didn't know what to do with myself!

On Saturday, Daniel and I did a little shopping for the Pea. She has grown so fast in the last few weeks that all of her pj's were too small as well as several pairs of her play pants. I am happy to report the Pea's wardrobe has been restocked with several snazzy pairs of pj's and a whole bunch of adorable outfits- all of which are size 6 to 9 months! The Pea is only 3 months old! As soon as we have another fashion show I will post pictures of her new outfits.

As well as trying to adjust going back to work I am also struggling with when is the right time to move the Pea from my bed to her baby bed. She currently has a little place right between her daddy and I, which is wonderful especially for those 4 am feedings but I know she will eventually have to move to her big girl bed in her room. I can't seem to put her in there just yet. I was going to start trying before I started back to work but the weather turned cold and I just couldn't stand the thought of the possibility of her being cold! I would like some suggestions from other mommas out there on when the best time for the big bed is. If it doesn't work out I guess the Pea will be sleeping with us until she goes off to college!

Going back to work & New Year reflections

Just a warning this is a serious post. My maternity leave will be officially ending on Jan. 6th and I am so nervous about going back to work. I know I have mentioned before about how my point of view has changed since having the Pea but I just can't believe how drastic the change has been. Before I always thought of myself as a sort of a feminist, I have always worked very hard at being independent and doing it all on my own. I have always been a worker and really had never envisioned myself doing much else until now. Since going on my maternity leave in September I have enjoyed playing the role of stay at home momma so much more than I ever thought I would. There is something so nice, cozy and comforting about being at home with your baby, taking care of your house and having a nice dinner ready (on some days) when daddy gets home. I never thought in a million years that type of life would ever agree with me but as I have found out in the past year, life is SO full of surprises. Staying at home work is so much more enjoyable, maybe I am just not working the right kind of job but to be able to watch the Pea grow and change everyday is such a blessing and a miracle- she really is everything. I know so many of my friends have gone through this and they all know about the grief, the guilt and the flat out panic you feel when it is time to go back to work. I am certainly surprised at my change of heart, not that I am throwing away my "this is what a feminist looks like" t-shirt just yet but things are different. I feel more vulnerable than I ever have before but it almost makes me feel stronger. I am so thankful that I have been able to stay at home with the Pea for as long as I did because I am pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to leave her at six weeks. God knows what we can handle and what we can't and I thank him every day for that. So next Wednesday the Pea and I will be entering into a new adventure, one in which I am sure the Pea will fair much better than her momma. It is times like these when I really begin to understand that motherhood is not for the faint of heart and I have even more respect for mothers every where.

Here is a little something I wrote last year in Jan., I had just lost a baby in early December and didn't know that the Pea was already on board! God is so good to me, I was devastated when I lost the baby- I felt like I was too scared to try for another but he comforted me. Thankfully God had better plans for me than I ever could have imagined, he carried me through my despair and on the other side was such joy!

Written Jan. 2009

Today I am feeling very reflective, well not particularly reflective in a shiny sense but inwardly reflective. The past year has been one of flat out living. At times barely hanging on, clinging to my faith, and other times flying so high- so surprised and thankful. Many things have transpired this year that I do not understand. Things that I won't understand until I can give Jesus a big hug, sit down and ask him myself. Maybe at that point in time such things will no longer be an issue..... As for the upcoming year, I have great hope. Things are changing fast-for better and for worse but I choose to remain hopeful. This year I want to take more time to understand the daily struggles and victories of those around me. I pray to be a bright spot for people in my life, to lift them up, to help them feel loved and as hopeful as I do. I pray that this will finally be the year I get to meet my child, whoever that may be and however way God has planned. I pray that everyone sees how truly blessed we all are and find ways we can help others. I pray that this is the year all of "Amber" goes away and I become a vessel and an instrument for God. I pray that everyone becomes less cautious of following their hearts, less cautious in expressing love and less cautious in following God. I am hopeful for the upcoming year- I hope and pray that the year is filled with love, joy and peace.

Although I haven't managed to live up to all of my expectations, I am so thankful and hope to continue to draw closer to God in order to be the person he wants me to be. Last night Daniel and I were talking about how exciting this upcoming year is going to be, so many firsts to share with the Pea! Happy New Year, and as always I hope and pray that this year will be filled with love, joy and peace.