Piping hot heap of momma guilt.....

Well has anybody else noticed that summer is o-v-e-r? What happened?! World's worst blogger has struck again. Hopefully, y'all haven't been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for me to post. I am posting today to share some of my searing, gut gnawing momma guilt I am currently feeling. At this very moment the beautiful Pea of Sheba is napping in her big 'ol comfy KING sized bed. We had to visit Dr. Glover this morning...... the Pea has a double ear infections. Yes. Both. Ears. How did I discover this you ask? Stuff. Started. Coming. Out. Of. Her. Ears. She had a little cold over the weekend but sure enough Monday morning I packed her up and carted her off to daycare while I went on to school to take care of other people's children. Same thing Tuesday, off to daycare then I went to teach some 1st graders some stuff. Insert mental image of lion tamer with a chair and a whip here, no not Sigfried and Roy but the old timey kind with a top hat. Went to a meeting last night and came home to find Dada, the Pea's faithful servant, cuddling the Pea. She didn't feel good. She has stuff coming out of her ears. Why hadn't I noticed something wasn't right?.... Momma was too busy worrying about her new job. Momma was letting the stress of her new job make her less of a good Momma. Check. Awesome. Nothing like Momma guilt to make a stressful situation a whole lot better right? Right? Anybody?......Hmph. Sssssooooo we have the medicine. She is resting. I am having a burrito and crying. Thought now would be a good time to blog. Share the misery and guilt. Even with the worlds worst Momma, the Pea of Sheba had a great summer. She went to the beach which she loved all except that pesky sand.

 She loved to put the bucket on her head, notice worlds worst Momma in the background laughing and working on her tan.

                                                 Strutting her stuff for Momma and Dada.

                                                            Harlem Globetrotter Pea!

                                                The Pea with ALL of her great uncles!

               Pea and the Wookie doin what they do best, being unbelievably adorable and cute!
                         

                                       This is pure Pea of Sheba people! Brace your selves!

This is my living room at this very moment, as we speak. No we aren't moving, no we aren't having an indoor yard sale. The Pea LOVES cardboard boxes and has single handedly converted our living room into a swell playroom. She is working on getting her own show on HGTV called just Playroom It!~



In spite of having me as a Momma, she is doing great. Growing, but not much. I think the Pea is going to be petite like her Mimi and her great Granny Troxell. She is like a tiny stick of dynamite full of fun and surprises at every single turn. She loves to laugh and sing and generally is the life of the party. She is talking like crazy and is the smartest baby I have ever met. Again, and I know I say this every single post and every single day but I can't believe she is mine and I can't believe how lucky I am!

Whew!

Well here I am finally back in blogger land. Lets see, I have managed to miss most of the major holidays and more than a few milestones since I have been on herre last. I know you all are on the edge of you seats! Christmas was awesome! We had a blast with the babies. Of course everything went by in a blur and I barely have any pictures but we sure did have fun. It is amazing to see the beautiful blessings in our lives! Here us a small preview of the holiday fun.

Yes that is a pink velcro roller in her hair.

As far as milestones, the Pea had been rolling through them like crazy. She moved up to the 1 year old baby room at daycare and she loves it! She has become so much more independent since the move. She did tell me that she would like to go back and "help" Ms. Wa Wa with the little babies sometime. She continues to amaze and confuse me on a daily basis. The baby who will rarely sleep, lays on a mat in the FLOOR at daycare and sleeps for more than two hours every day. Yep 2 hours or more everyday. Evidentally that is just the perfect amount of sleep for her royal heiness........gggrrrr.

After extensive thought, prayer, reading and research I decided that the Pea just needed an adorable pink (of course) toddler bed to sleep in. This was just thing that would solve all of our sleep dilemas I thought. Hhhmmmm. Dada patiently put the little pink princess bed together. We made it up with cute little polka dot sheets and her little Clementine Rose quilt- so cozy and comfy. We said bye bye to the old baby bed that she took a total of 2 naps in. We looked at the new bed, we snuggled in the new bed. Clementine showed the new bed off the Grammy and Grandpa Troxell. She acted like she REALLY loved it. Then I thought I would casually introduce the new bed on a Friday night. Oh the wailing and screaming and thrashing that insued. Just to teach me a lesson she probably slept 45 minutes that night EVEN after I moved her back into the bed with me. Who knew? So yes, the Pea and I are still "co-sleeping" and we probably will be until she leaves for college maybe I will even enroll with her...... At least we are sleeping a little.....

The Pea has also started feeding herself which is so fun to watch. Her all time favorite, love every bite of it, can't believe it is so good foods are spaghetti and black beans. Not at the same time of course but she loves them. She also enjoys the most adorable and delicious friut of all- the Clementine ;) Oh, and if she spies chocolate cake she starts saying MMMMMMMMMMM!!!! as loud as possible before she even gets a nibble, I can't blame her I do the same thing.

We have been having a little bit of a time with teething. Has anyone noticed that when your baby is teething it is a whole lot like they have PMS? So emotional and weepy. One minute you are looking at a book having a nice time, the next minute a banshee has taken over and you are cowering under a couch pillow praying for the sweet release of death. What on earth?! Being the mother of the Pea of Sheba I am very familar with the fine line between sweet baby and tiny maniac but this is totally new territory..... Almost every afternoon I rush to the daycare to get my precious bundle that I have missed so terribly all day, they tell me she has been an angel, they gush about her sweetness and unbelievable intelligence until the other babies are rolling their eyes in disgust. Beaming with pride I load my little treasure in the car and rush home for a little mommy/ Pea time. As soon as her little striderites hit the livingroom floor I am in for the fight of my life. I don't know if you have ever seen a badger attack- come by my house between 4:45 and 5:59 and you can have a front row seat. After the initial wailing and screaming she settles down, has a little bit of juice and maybe a salty and sweet snack. After applying band aids to various claw marks and sewing the sleeves back on my shirt I settle down too. Aaahhh the life of a faithful servant of the Pea. On the bright side, several of her back teeth have managed to pop through . I am relieved, I was going to have to start drinking heavily if things didn't improve.

So that is what we have been doing in the Pea's kingdom. I feel like a total looser momma/blogger because I am so slack in posting. I also feel pretty bad that I am not taking the Pea more places like the park or the zoo or museums. I will have to put that on my to do list for this spring....... We do go and walk around the yard quite a bit. I did take her to Wal-Mart but they asked us to leave.......

It just keeps getting better!

Well the Pea is officially one! She had an awesome time at her party- lots of friends and family. The Pea partied so hard she had to take a nap before the party was over- her little eyes were closing before we even had all of the family photos taken. As you can tell from the picture she was tuckered out!

The biggest surprise from the day was how the Pea handled her cake- she nibbled on the icing WITH A SPOON! It tickled me so much because I was sure she would dive head first into the cake as soon as she tasted it but she was such a little lady about it. The Wookie was dying to show her what to do!

The Pea continues to crack me up with her little personality. She is so bossy and sassy- I know, I know, funny now not funny later but still. She is in to EVERYTHING and if she can't get to it herself she will point and "tell" you what she would like to get in to next. I feel like I am continuously say "no, no" she even scoots over to things she knows are "no, no" and shakes her head "no, no"..... at least she is paying attention.

Thankfully she had started eating a bit better and has taken quite an interest in table food. I have been steaming up some yummy veggies for her and she eats them up. She has developed a bit of a quirk when eating- she doesn't want you to watch her eat. If you are watching she just sits there and stares out the window. The minute you start to eat yourself of do something else she starts to eat! That could be why she didn't dive head first into the cake- far too big of an audience. For now I just act like I am not looking while she eats and it seems to work. Whatever works! The sleeping is still going wonderfully. She has been getting up at least once per night for the last little bit but I am sure it has to do with the fact that she has three teeth coming in at the same time. She is rockin the naps like nobodies business which is such a wonderful thing! I've said it a thousand times and I will say it a thousand more, there is nothing and I mean nothing better than a sleeping baby!

She is also on the verge of walking- it is so funny to see her trying to balance on those tiny little feet of hers. Speaking of feet, she has allowed me to put shoes on her a few times and doesn't seem to mind them that much at all anymore. This excites me greatly because she has an awesome pair of red Chuck Taylors I can't wait for her to wear.

The Pea also got to go to the Troxell family reunion in Crossville in October. This was a pretty special treat because there aren't a lot of us around AND she got to meet not one or two great-great (yep 2 greats) Aunts and Uncles but 4 great-great Aunts and 2 great-great Uncles! She sure does have a bunch of folks who love her! She had a great time on the car ride down as you can see from the picture- she and her baby had a wonderful nap! She also fell in love with her great uncle Lawrence- he reminded me so much of my Papaw Troxell with her. She snuggled right up and made herself at home.

She just continues to amaze and crack me up everyday. On Monday she came home from a visit to Grammy's house with a hot pink velcro roller in her hair.... momma said she really wanted it and put it in her hair herself! She has also really been working on talking, she told my momma tank you last Saturday and said hello to me earlier in the week. Everyday she is becoming this little person with so much personality- it just makes me so excited about the future!

Anyway, this first year has flown by. There were times when I thought I might not survive it but I made it and so did the Pea. Things really do just keep getting better everyday! I am so thankful that God chose me to be her momma!

Rounding the Bend......

Well here we are coming up on a year! I can't believe it, people told me that it would go by fast but I had no idea. I am happy to report that the Pea is still sleeping wonderfully except for a few nights in the last month. The Byrds have been s-i-c-k for weeks now with some sort of head cold nastiness that won't seem to go away. I guess that is the price you pay when you are exposed to 5th graders as well as daycare germs. The Pea is doing fantastic in her class at daycare, she loves everybody and of course everybody loves her. She has some little friends who are teaching her all kinds of new tricks. I am sure she has taught them a thing or two- I keep expecting calls from other parents any day now.

The Pea is cruising around hanging on to the furniture- she is getting very steady on those tiny feet! She has been into everything for months now, I guess we will just have to remove everything from the house and put down some sort of gymnastic mats to be safe. Shoes have become a major issue for the Pea and I- we aren't too sure about them but a lot of people around us seem to think shoes are essential for walking or cruising. I personally don't care for shoes and I don't really see a huge need for the Pea to wear them. It isn't cold yet and she doesn't walk outside... plus she doesn't really see a big need for them either. What I mean by her not seeing a big need for them is she curls her toes so that it is impossible to get a shoe on her foot and howls like a wild animal. She will let me put a swell pair of Robeez on her- they are really soft like moccasins but she will only wear them for a little bit before she fusses. Here is a quick conversation that came from the back seat last Saturday between the Pea and her Grammy:

The Pea "gggrrrrgrrrr ggggrrrrrrrr eeehhhhh"

Grammy " What Clemmy, what? Here is your book"

The Pea "duck duck duck, ggggrrrrr gggggrrrrrr aaaarrrrrhhhhh"

Grammy " Momma I thing she wants her shoes off"

The Momma "Ok take em off"

She had been wearing the shoes for probably 15 minutes. LOL!

Any advice on the shoe thing would be greatly appreciated. Do they really need them? Not so much? I don't know. I do know that I found an adorable pair of Robeez that look like little pink mice. If shoes are necessary, I will be making a purchase. Or maybe the hot pink cowgirl boots would be more appropriate...... they have soft soles and fringe. If you don't know what Robeez are you have to check out the website asap- I had it saved in my favorites waaaaaayyyy before I was even pregnant. Just in case...

On a more serious note, the Pea who has always had a voracious appetite has decided she doesn't want to eat. She cries and howls and tries to get out of her high chair. At first I thought it was because of the cold, then teething and then because I was trying to get her to try some not so pureed steamed carrots or some potatoes. She still takes her bottles like a champ but other than that she will just eat a few spoonfuls and gets upset. I don't know what to do. She usually loves to eat especially carrots and sweet potatoes but now she almost gags. I am not worried yet but it is a little weird. I am going to talk to her pediatrician about it when we go for the one year check up.

I guess we will continue to barrel into the future at the same alarming rate of the past year. I was laughing thinking about what I was doing this time a year ago. Waiting.....waiting and walking. I walked and I walked and I walked around the little neighborhood we live in. It is mostly retired people so they would walk with me or come out and talk to me as I waddled past. The due date came and went, I walked and continued to get bigger even though I wasn't eating very much because a certain someone had pushed my stomach and lungs up into my throat. I knew things were not going well when my maternity clothes didn't fit anymore and my flip flops were cutting off my circulation. September turned to October and I learned the true meaning of patience.

Kinda Blue

There are a lot of changing going on here in the Byrd household, most have to do with the Pea. Thanks to Ms. Hazel's fervent prayers the Pea, yes the Pea of Sheba has been sleeping. By sleeping I mean ALL night and as an added bonus (blessing) she has been napping! I know, I know it all seems too good to be true and the Pea is a crafty one but I believe this is for real. Tonight she could prove me wrong but I choose to believe that Ms. Hazel prayed for a miracle and it happened and I could not be any more thankful if I tried!

Another change has me feeling quite sad at the moment. Tonight was the first night the Pea has ever gone to sleep without nursing. She didn't even put up much of a fight, a little whimper and then she went to sleep. I knew this day would come and we have been working on it for a while but still. We are now separate......... there may have been some tears shed by both parties involved.

I ran into a friend of mine the other day who is a very new mommy, like 6 weeks in new. When I talk to people about motherhood and the whole all consuming am I gonna live through this first few months I always try to be honest and frank about my feelings and experiences. It is hard, one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life and I am only 9 months in! I hate to think that there are sweet mothers out there thinking they are horrible because they have discovered, much to their dismay, that after all the showers and the glowing pregnancy and the decorating of the nursery there is REAL work to do. By REAL work I mean the serious business of caring for another human being. A life filled with poop, pee, screaming, crying, fit throwing, do we need to go to the emergency room at 2 am because they never get sick during office hours, food spitting, giggling, laughing out loud, first tooth picture takin, I can't believe she is walkin, did she really just sleep through the night, what an awesome funny kid, I still can't believe I have a baby life. The Pea's Papaw Byrd put it best when he said being a parent is the hardest job in the world if you give a crap. It always feels better to know you aren't the only one out there laying in the floor beside the crib peeking in every few minutes or rolling over on the middle of the night to make sure your baby, who up until last week never slept, was still breathing because she had been asleep for more than an hour. Ok I might have even poked her a little too. Or the momma who cries uncontrollably because her baby is playing on the floor and looks at you and claps because she turned a page on her little book. I guess I just wanted to say to all of my little sweet momma friends out there that you are doing a great job and it is very hard contrary to how easy Heidi Klum makes it look. ;)

I also wanted to add the cutest pic of my nephew (I just love typing that) he continues to be the most perfect baby ever and I love his big ol drooly smile so much! Wookie + Auntie Ber = Love

Where does the time go?!

Here we are in the middle of July and I haven't done any of the things I had planned to do this summer. I hope I am not the only one facing this dilemma. Should I keep the list and stress out or throw the list away- there is always next summer..... Clementine on the other hand has done ALL of the things on her to do list. The list reads something like this:

1. Get cuter every day.

2. Get feistier every day.

3. Get more mischievous EVERY day.

4. Grow a set of razor sharp teeth.

5. Skip crawling and proceed to standing and almost walking.

6. Continue to stay awake 22 1/2 hours out of 24 EVERY day.

The Pea has made her list, checked it twice and is moving on! LOL!! She can now say dog, da da, momma, ruff ruff and Don. Quite to vocabulary for someone who doesn't get out much. Her favorite word continues to be da da- which she says all day long. She is a dog lover, much to her da da's dismay- she can't get enough of dogs! Just don't try to fool her with a stuffed dog, this makes her very concerned when the dog doesn't move like her dogs outside.

We went for her 9 month check up this past Tuesday. She is off the charts for weight and head circumference and in the 85% for height- always the over achiever. No shots this time so we were pretty pleased about that! She has also graduated to eating some chopped bananas as well as sweet potato puffs all by herself. She has also skipped the starter sippy cup and prefers to drink her water out of a sippy cup with a straw. I guess when you are the Pea of Sheba you can do as you please in that and most other departments.

There has also been some pretty major developments in "ahem" another department- the Pea is being weaned. She is not happy about it but after many, MANY shall we say "incidences" with her 4 razor sharp teeth I have no choice. This has been a sore subject with the two of us for some time. We spend a lot of time together, it is convenient and free but in an act of self preservation I think weaning is our best bet. We both are feeling a little emotional about this- it is almost like some major part of our relationship is over. Which I guess that it is, it was a hard decision. She just isn't one of those babies who you can flick on the chin and she will stop chomping down. The flicks just seemed to make her bite harder. The only thing that seems to make her let go is my blood curdling scream or if I just faint dead away. Whew. I was afraid that weaning would lead to her not even sleeping the small amount of time she manages but she has been surprising me the last couple of nights by going to sleep on her own- of course still in the bed with me and da da. Usually if I even tried to act like I wasn't going to nurse her to sleep she would howl and scream until she was purple. So, again the Pea has surprised me. I can always count on her to always do the exact opposite of what I expect. So here is to the new chapter for the two of us. I can start to drink sweet tea again and maybe the independence will do us both some good. Or maybe she will change her mind and nurse until she is five......

I am going to attach a few pictures from the last little bit. The photo of the older gentleman is the Pea's great great uncle T who is an awesome and interesting guy that we both love to pieces.

Cha cha changes!!

Well, the Pea and I are finishing up our first official month as stay at home momma and stay at home baby! We have survived relatively unscathed- LOL!! She continues to amaze me every day with her larger than life personality and sense of humor. I know, I know she is only 7 months old but boy is she a character! You can ask her repeatedly if she is a good girl or if she is going to sleep tonight- her response is an alarmingly beautiful smile, eye twinkle, no head shake combo. She knows already just what to do to make you laugh so hard.

She refuses to roll over no matter how much we beg, no matter how many tempting things such as daddy's i phone or the tv remote we put just out of her reach. She has officially rolled over one time on her own and that was just because the Wookie did it and she just wanted to show us she could if she feels like it. She has been spending some time on the Jenny Jump up but in true Pea style she just sort of swings herself with her big toe while she fusses at me to get her outta there. She may never walk or crawl, I am going to have to resort to a small wagon to get her from point a to point b!

I have found that she loves it outside and absolutely loves dogs. As soon as she sees the dogs she starts to "whistle" to get their attention. So sweet and precious is she! LOL!

Ok, ok so the purple part of this post I wrote in May. It is now June .....not sure what day it is but it is def. June. We have packed in some more BIG adventures in the last little bit. We rode up to Rugby for their spring festival and had a blast. The Pea was in her element- lots of people cooing at her and lots of music and action. She is such a ham. The more people fussing over her the better! The Pea had her first trip to the beach. We went to Tybee Island last week and it was heavenly- oh how I love funky little ol Tybee Island. I think it was a hit with the Pea as well, she was perfect on the loooong ride down and perfect on the looonnng ride home. We were probably crazy to make such a trip with a 6 month old (Wookie) and an 8 month old (The Pea) but we pulled it off and it was a perfect vacation. The Pea is a natural born swimmer and loved the ocean- she practically tried to leap out of my arms into the waves. She and the Wookie played in the condo, they played on towels in the sand they played in the big pool, they played in their own private baby pool, they played on the beds- they had a big time to say the least! We are so blessed to have such healthy, precious beautiful babies!

The Pea continues to refuse to roll over, crawl or even get up on her knees-crazy baby. I know that she could if she wanted to. I half expect to find her walking around one day. She continues to amaze me with the things she seems to understand- what a sense of humor that girl has. She knows when to turn on the charm with her little twinkly eyes and big ol dimple.

Unfortunately her sleeping habits haven't improved much and actually the last two weeks or so she has seemed to regress a bit (YIKES). Right now she is asleep in her big bed (fingers crossed). I am not sure why, but I am exhausted but once I manage to wrestle her to sleep for a few hours I can't sleep- weird.

While we were on vacation the Pea turned eight months old, yep eight months already. We celebrated at the Sugar Shack with some ice cream. I might get the worst mother award but I did give her a little taste of my mint chocolate chip- she loved it!

I was reading another blog about motherhood and the lady who writes it is like so dead on. I would love to meet her because she puts into words so many of my own feelings. The only difference? She is a writer who lives in TX and her baby is from Ethiopia and I am just a sleep deprived hillbilly and my baby is from my belly...... This is part of one of her posts- I have to admit I usually cry every time I check in with her.... she hits the nail right on the head every time.

I am tired. I am suddenly aware of my limited reserves of patience and energy and imagination. I like to think of these as muscles that are being worked for the first time by a merciless trainer—who not only yells, but spits and vomits and craps on me. I'm working on my strength and endurance. I am sometimes struck with moments of great loneliness. I think I am lonely for the life I used to have that allowed for some alone time. I am shaky from being hit again and again with overwhelming waves of tenderness and concern for the little person who now sleeps down the hall. I am still mystified by the realization that I have a daughter. I haven't seemed to regain my balance since we've met.
It was two weeks and five days after we returned home when I was struck—again with the force of a rogue wave—with the sudden realization that I loved this little girl.
I'm not yet the mother I'd like to be—but I have to think I'll get there one day.
Posted by Mama Dog at 7:04 AM 18 comments
Thursday, June 18, 2009

Enough of that now for some cute pics from the last little bit.